Dear Self,
You have two toddlers (and a baby). But as that fact seems to escape you more often than not, please take the following reminders and put them someplace where you will see them on a regular basis.
1. Adding “quickly” or “now” to a command or request does NOT make any of your children move at all faster. As in, “Let’s get our coats on so we can go to Story Time…quickly!” You are wasting your breath.
2. When a lovey disappears just before nap time, remember that it will NOT be hiding in any of the places it has hidden in the past. Nap time will come faster if you start by looking in the least likely places first…and starting nap time is absolutely the highest priority.
3. No toy is desirable unless another child also wants it. This is why teaching children to share is so difficult.
4. Neither a gate nor a threat of spanking will be sufficient to deter your children from the glittering glory that is the Christmas tree ornaments. And they will give those ornaments to the baby. This is the only time sharing comes naturally.
5. Every child MUST be permitted to push EVERY blue automatic door button that exists in EVERY lobby area. There are no exceptions to this rule.
6. Someone will either poop their diaper or need to go to the bathroom exactly 15 seconds after you snap the last car seat buckle, no matter how many times you ask before snapping said buckle.
7. When you tell a 3 year old that they cannot come out of his/her room in the morning until the clock has a “7” on it, be sure to cover everything but the hour number. Otherwise, they will come out at 6:27 because “they saw a ‘7’ and jumped out of bed just like you told them!”
8. Just because they ate a food yesterday or the day before or sometime last week does NOT mean that they eat that food today. Unless that food is chocolate. Or marshmallow. Or cheese balls.
9. Every child’s potty seat is designed to create a puddle of pee that will remain on the toilet seat when the potty seat is removed. Always wipe the seat before you sit. Always.
10. Your children will squeal, grunt, holler, call your name, scream at each other or take someone else’s toy at the climax of any television program or movie you decide to watch. It is inevitable. Be prepared to rewatch the climax of every show you turn on or just give up and quit watching television until your kids start school or go to bed.
This is, of course, only a partial list, but hopefully it will help ease a little of the stress and frustration that necessarily exists when dealing with almost-3-year-olds. Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Yourself
November 29, 2011
LOVED it. So true! Except mine wasn’t the blue automatic door buttons; it was (and still is) the elevator buttons. I avoid elevators at all costs for this reason.