Every so often a real thought pops into my head. It doesn’t happen as often as it used to, and sadly there are very few situations wherein I can express the thoughts I do have. So I figured I should start blogging about them occasionally. Who knows…maybe you’ve got some thoughts to share, too…
Anyway, this week’s thought has to do with change. Specifically, HOW we change. You know, putting off the sin nature and living like Jesus. How exactly do we do that?
Like my friend who was saying recently that she’d been convicted about the grumbling and complaining she’d been doing. She knew she needed to stop. And it just kept coming up: sermons on the radio, verses she read, conversations with other people. You know, it just kept coming back up. So, she tried and tried, really hard, to stop complaining. She started on Sunday, and she did okay…until Tuesday morning. And then back down the rabbit hole she went.
And I wondered about it.
Because that’s pretty much what I do, too. I become aware of an area I really need to work on. And I try really hard not to do that thing anymore. And like my friend, it lasts about a day and a half. And like my friend, it’s really frustrating.
So what’s a girl to do?
Well, one thing I have decided is that God does NOT want me to try harder to be more like Jesus. In fact, the last thing God wants from me is more effort.
Take patience, for example. See, I know I’m not a patient person. I’m not. And I’ve spent a lot of years trying to be more patient, with people and circumstances and whatever. But of course, it hasn’t much changed. And the reason is…I can’t create patience. See, trying harder assumes I actually have a store of patience that I can choose to draw from (or not). But that’s not how it works. In reality, I have no patience. Not just…I lack that personality trait. No, it’s literally not there. There’s no store to draw from. So I got to thinking…if I’m supposed to be patient (and the Bible says I am) but I don’t have any to use, where is it supposed to come from?
And so far, the best answer I’ve come up with goes back an incredibly simple and basic (but incredibly difficult) concept: the fruit of the Spirit. Because the Bible is very clear that patience IS a fruit of the Spirit. So…if I want to be more patient, I can’t try harder. That’s more of ME. I need less of me and more of the Spirit. I need more of Jesus.
It’s like the fruit of the Spirit is a bunch of tools in a toolbox. It’s all the stuff I’m supposed to be and let be active in my life (you know…love, joy, peace, kindness, self-control, etc). But see, the problem is that it’s not MY toolbox. I can’t just use the patience in the box on my own. Sure, I try to. I get to a place in my day or my life that needs fixing (working on a sin, dealing with my kids, changing my thought patterns, standing in line, responding to the jerk who cut me off in traffic…you know, that kind of stuff), and I know exactly what tool I need. And the conversation goes something like this:
Me: Hey Jesus? I need more patience. Can you toss that one here? Thanks!
Jesus: (a muffled reply that’s too far away to hear clearly)
Me: What? No, no just throw it to me. I don’t need any help. I know how to use it…I just can’t reach it right now. Thanks…
And not surprisingly, it never works out. Maybe I’m patient for half of a second longer than I would have been otherwise, but no lasting change takes place. And why is that? Because I can’t borrow the tools without working with the Guy who actually owns the toolbox.
And it belongs to Jesus. No matter how hard I try, I can’t use the tools correctly. They aren’t mine. I need Jesus to use the tool in my life. He can’t just toss me more patience while He stands off to one side. He has to bring me the patience and teach me how to use it wherever I am. It’s like my husband trying to show one of our kids how to use a screwdriver (because I’m not patient enough to teach them myself 
). He has to hold it and help them turn it correctly.
In other words, I’m coming to realize that I can’t keep asking just for more patience. I need to start asking for more JESUS…and the patience will, necessarily, follow. I can’t create patience (or any of that other stuff) because those “tools” don’t stand alone. They are really the evidence that He is actually with me, in that moment, that situation, that reality. He won’t just toss me the tools and let me go at it (okay, He will, but just to teach me how ineffective that method actually is). What He really wants is to come and work IN me, His hands on mine, enabling me to act and react differently because He is there. He wants me to ask for HIMSELF! And when I have Him, the other stuff just automatically flows.
Which means that…trying harder is really never going to accomplish a change. It’s going to discourage me. Dishearten me. Drive me farther away from Him. And that’s not what either of us want.
Instead, I have to learn a new way of pursuing this change. No more focusing only on the “thing” I want. Stop asking for more patience…start asking for a better view of Jesus. Find Him and the patience will follow. My friend can’t focus on trying to stop complaining. She needs to start looking for Jesus in the situations feeding her complaints and as she finds Him, she won’t have any more need to complain…because He is now in that situation with her.
Anyway, that’s what I’ve been thinking. Honestly, I have no idea if any of that makes sense. And yes, I do realize that this topic is much bigger than this one blog can cover. But still…feel free to comment, add your thoughts, disagree, clarify a point, whatever. I just thought it would be worth the time to think the thoughts out with words. Or start to…
Happy Wednesday!
