The other day, I posted this picture on my Facebook page:
The twins were 22 months, and Megan was barely a week old. And what a sweet picture, right? But after my initial “Oh, they were so cute,” an odd sensation balled itself up in my chest.
Looking at that picture, I suddenly FELT the exhaustion of those days. As adorable as those three were, those days were just plain hard. The never-ending needs, the constant attention they required, the mental fatigue, the lack of sleep. That time of parenting we called being “in the trenches.” It is so.very.hard.
And just this summer, I realized that my family is finally coming out of the trenches. My kids’ needs are rarely immediate. The twins can make a basic PB&J or get a drink of water for themselves if needed. Everyone is potty-trained. I sleep all night more often than I don’t.
We are moving on. And I’m grateful for it. Man, am I grateful for it. But I’m also grateful that I still remember. That this picture was enough to remind me. I’m not so far away that I’ve forgotten just how hard the trenches are.
And I was even more grateful because, shortly after seeing this picture, I had a meeting with a young mom who works at the kids’ school. We were chatting about our families, and she said her oldest turned 4 in August and her younger daughter is 18 months.
As she said it, this picture popped into my head, and I said, “Wow…so you’re totally in the trenches.”
She stopped, turned to me, eyes wide. There was a tiny pause, and she said, “Yes, that is exactly what it’s like. That’s, that’s, just the perfect way to say it.” And then she told me about picking up her kids from daycare and how it had been hectic and disorganized and she was holding the baby and trying to find sippy cups and blankies and it was just…hard.
She said how her younger daughter had ear infections for months until finally tubes, but then she’d had another rough patch where, in the middle of the night, all she wanted was her mom. And of course, she still had work and daycare drop off and pick up and dinner and clearing and life.
“Yes, the trenches. Definitely the trenches,” I said, as compassionately as I knew how.
And I know, oh how I know, that she is not the only one.
So to the moms who are, today, in the trenches…let me say this: You are such a good mom. You are doing a great job. Whether working in your house or outside it. Whether you are following all the conflicting “expert” advice on everything. Whether you have social media sites convinced you’ve got it all under control…to you, mom…it really is as hard as it feels. The trenches are no joke.
And while you’re in those trenches, you don’t have to love every minute. Some day, I promise, you will look up and realize you made it out of them. But for today, just know that we moms, we get it. We understand it. We see you. Even in the hardness of it all, you are doing a great, great thing.
Keep up the good work.
