WHY is a very powerful question. It pushes us deeper. It forces us to mine for answers to real questions, uncomfortable questions. But WHY is not a fix-all. It can be (and often is) stripped of its power in a couple of important ways.
First, WHY is short-circuited when we aren’t truthful. We can ask WHY all we want–to ourselves and to others–but it cannot help us if even one person lies. To be less than honest is easier, but it won’t help us in the long run. It will always prevent true connections, better communication, and helpful revelations. All of which WHY can do, if its allowed.
Second, WHY does not work in a one-sided power structure. If both parties (or all parties, as the case may be) are not on equal footing, then WHY will lose its effectiveness. If one partner has all the power, then no amount of WHY can fix the problems between them. Ever.
Third, WHY is rarely immediate. Sometimes, when I’ve begun a journey of discovery like this, it takes weeks, even months, to start to uncover the real answers behind the WHY. This one is not really anyone’s fault. But it does hold us back. If we aren’t willing to keep slogging through the layers of our excuses and other people’s influence, WHY can’t help us. We have to dig in and keep digging, for as long as it takes. Because if we do this, what WHY will help us uncover can be some of the most powerful and effective healing we ever experience.
