1. Because our kids are actual people.
When new parents announce they’re expecting and begin to fill their registry, it’s all so fun. “We’re having a baby!” And then the baby is born and for a while, it’s hard and overwhelming because it’s new and you have to keep this little thing alive. But at that stage, those little bundles don’t do so much. They eat, sleep, need diaper changes. But that’s it.
Except…it’s not. Even as a weeks-old thing, that baby’s personhood is evident. Maybe it was easier to see because I had twins, so I had something to compare with from the start. Alex has literally always been more laid-back than Erin. Megan put her whole self into her wails from her very first wails. Tim was jolly from the get-go.
Our babies are people from birth. They have likes and dislikes and definite opinions on how things should be done. In fact, some mothers can tell you about their kids before they were even born. My sister-in-law was adamantly against thumb-sucking, but when their second daughter was born with small callouses where she’d been sucking on her hands in the womb–we all knew she was in trouble. She did finally break my niece of her thumb, but it took into kindergarten (maybe longer). Because it was part of my niece from before Day 1.
My kids, your kids, are people right this minute. Today. And if we don’t take that fact into account when we lecture or discipline or plan, we will handicap ourselves before we start. If we don’t manage our expectations with that one boundary, we will cause everyone involved a lot of tears.
2. Parenting is a marathon.
A friend of mine posted on Facebook about her struggles to get her boys to do their chores. The post garnered a lot (A LOT) of responses because every mom has been there at some point.
As I read and commented on her thread, it struck me again. What I’m trying to instill in my kids at this stage isn’t really about this current stage. I’m trying to train them for future stages. I want them to do chores today so they learn hard lessons (like “‘I don’t want to’ isn’t a good excuse not to do things” and “No one here is your maid”) that will serve them into adulthood.
Which makes parenting nothing like the sprint I wish it was. I want to teach my kids to “tell the truth” and then move on to “do your chores” and then move to “always be kind.” And once I’ve covered each concept, I want them to move on immediately. In other words, I still want the instant gratification I chide my kids for living by.
But parenting isn’t a sprint. Not done well, anyway. Whether my kids learn to make their beds isn’t really about their beds. It’s about doing the hard work to develop respect for themselves and their stuff as well as the discipline to do the right thing even when you don’t want to.
Yes, parenting is hard. And it doesn’t take many days of it to figure that out.
What about you? What do you think makes parenting so hard?
