It takes a lot of skill to hear an idea or argument without immediately falling into the trap of extremes. Especially in the Christian world, but not less often in the secular one, discussions quickly disintegrate into name-calling and trolling or universally glowing commendation.
“You’re an idiot for thinking that. Everything you type is a waste of my time.”
“You are so right, and anyone who is saying otherwise is just a hater.”
Can we be honest for a second? Please.
No argument is entirely wrong. And no argument is entirely right. It will be a very rare conversation where we should agree–or disagree–with every single thing another person says. We have to stop the wholesale trashing, or commending, of articles, posts, discourses, and opinions and begin to admit that, the vast majority of the time, some of what we hear is worth keeping and some is not.
Let me give you an example.
There is a program called Dressing Your Truth. The founder, Carol Tuttle, created an energy profiling system which encourages people to dress to match their particular type of energy. I have found a lot to engage with in the basics of her program. It has helped me own who I actually am, and I have been able to use the energy profiling language to encourage and help women I know and love to be a better version of themselves, too. (And it’s free now, so you can go find out your energy type and the basic principles, if you’d like. I’m not even an affiliate or anything.) But here’s the thing: I don’t whole-heartedly recommend this program in all its aspects. There are parts of it that I avoid entirely, and I always suggest my friends would be wise to do the same. The basic principles (the baby) are good, but the deeper “healing” stuff she does (the bathwater) doesn’t really fit with a biblical worldview.
So what do I do?
I focus on the basics that work. I am clear about the parts that are problematic. I never, ever give an explanation or recommendation of the program without also giving the caveat. Toss the bathwater; keep the baby.
My debate coach in college used to say it like this: “All truth is God’s truth. So we’re going to go into each round and find the truth and take it back.” The truth doesn’t belong to them. Or to us. It’s our job to assess what is true and what is not and “take it back,” tossing away what isn’t needed, isn’t true, isn’t fundamentally valuable. And every single person can (and should) do this.
So how can we reclaim this basic truth of arguments and dialogue? It takes time, intention, and actual engagement. But it is possible.
1. Be honest.
Be honest about what each side is actually saying. Be honest about what each side left unsaid. Be honest when someone makes a good point, even if you don’t agree with it. Be honest about the accuracy of information or statistics. Be honest.
2. Be fair.
If x and y are the reasons one side is wrong, then the other side can’t do x and y either. Straw man arguments are always wrong, and a fallacy is a fallacy no matter which side is using it. Be fair.
3. Value people over winning.
Arguments are one of my favorite things. Seriously. But people are always more important. That person on the other side…they are not an avatar. They actually breathe and cry and hurt when they get tossed. Twice in the last two weeks, I was dismissed out of hand by someone in a discussion. My entire point was glossed over and tossed…and me along with it. It felt awful. And it’s not okay. We have to keep in mind that the “other” person does not cease to be a real person just because we don’t agree with them. They are important.
This is not an easy thing. I know. It goes entirely against the grain of our instant-gratification, social-media culture. But it is important.
What do you think? Do you find it easy to recognize the good AND the bad in what you hear or read? What would happen if you learned to separate the good and bad instead of accepting (or tossing) whole arguments at once?
