It’s been a while since I asked myself that question: What do I really deserve?
But today I did. It wasn’t out of the blue. It was because of the sponsored post on Facebook. An advertisement for Pandora that said: “Your life deserves a soundtrack…”
And it struck me because, really, does my life deserve a soundtrack?
Years ago, I was rehearsing my senior theatre recital when my director interrupted me. “She says she needs this,” he commented. “Need is a very big concept. It’s not a want or a desire, it’s a need. You need to emphasize that in your delivery.” Since then, I’ve wondered often at the words we use and whether we really understand what we mean when we say them.
Today, the word is deserve. It actually means “to be worthy of, qualified for, or have a claim to something.” And I may deserve a lot of things. But maybe, just maybe, I really don’t.
So I asked myself: Is my life really worthy of a soundtrack? Does it qualify for a sound track? Do I have some sort of claim to a soundtrack for my life?
And the truth is…no. It doesn’t
My life is little, made up of home and PTO and trying to use my words in ways that build up. It’s not flashy or terribly profound. And not only does my life not merit a soundtrack … wait for it … my life doesn’t need a soundtrack.
We live in a world that nudges us toward the selfish arrogance that says we deserve this or that. That our lives don’t matter unless someone’s looking at us, that we have no value unless we are being courted and flattered and attended to. And it feels good, all that self-gratifying talk. Who doesn’t like to be courted? Who doesn’t want to be recognized? Who doesn’t perk up a little when their name gets called?
But do we deserve any of that? Probably not.
And it’s not just soundtracks that we’re told we deserve. I believe I deserve an easy day. I deserve not to follow the slow person on the road near my house. I deserve my kids’ obedience … to hear the news I want (or not to hear the news I don’t want) … a clear CT scan. I deserve for a friend to call me. I deserve an invitation. It’s a constant echo in our minds. And many times, we’re completely blind to the very assumptions of what we think we deserve.
Today, Pandora called me out on it. Today, I’m calling you out on it.
What do you think you deserve? Be honest. And then refuse to be stroked by the quiet whispers that tell you a quiet, sacrificial life is somehow less than. It’s not. In fact, it’s the most powerful kind of life we can have.
Not demanding what we deserve, but giving what we’ve been granted. And remembering to be grateful.
