Time is available to everyone at the same rate in the same amounts. But how to use time well … that’s a whole different thing.
I am realizing that I use time very poorly. But I am also learning that I’m ready to do it differently.
How to Use Time Well
Maybe “using” time isn’t the best term for it, really. Time is not a commodity. I can’t dig it up from a mountain or process it from water or a mineral deposit. And I certainly can’t buy it from the store. It’s not toothpaste.
It might be better to talk about spending time (though it’s not money, either). I don’t really know.
But I do know that I’m not using my time well. I just never realized until recently how badly I used it.
My Skewed Perspective
I really thought I was good with time. Okay, I’m not perfectly scheduled or anything. I mean, my kitchen counters and bathrooms don’t get cleaned often enough for me to claim that. But still, I thought I did okay.
And then all my kids went to school. I expected to have all this time to myself to do “my” stuff. And I do. But I don’t do my stuff. Or any stuff, sometimes. I waste a lot of time.
Turns out, my days had been regulated by the needs of children for so long that I hadn’t realized I wasn’t actually planning my days. I wasn’t organizing us; I was reacting to immediate needs (and with 4 kids, there are a lot of “immediate” needs shouted my way).
Without them there, I wasn’t sure where to start. Or what was important. Or why I was doing or not doing anything at all. I no longer had an idea of how to use my time well … for myself.
Yikes.
Thinking It Through
But I didn’t dive right in by Pinteresting a “perfect” cleaning schedule and then mapping out all my days for months to come. The temptation was there, sure. But I hesitated.
For weeks now, I’ve let the reality of my lack of discipline, my poor way of using time, sit beside me. I studied it. I’ve asked myself questions about it. Do I just need a planner? Would deadlines help? Where’s the discipline I thought I had? Do I lack accountability? Simply put, how can I use my time better?
Perfectionism is one of the reasons I struggle here. I often think a job will just take so long, why even start? And then, when I actually do it, it takes one-third the time I imagined it would. And I realize my fear of not doing it perfectly kept me from doing anything at all. Yikes again.
But sometimes, I do better. I decide to do this one thing, and suddenly, it all shifts. Like yesterday.
Yesterday, from 2-5 p.m., I made 1 batch of cookie dough/1 batch of Rice Krispies treats, worked on a lesson I’m teaching this weekend, picked up my kids from school, read some of my current book while I waited in the pickup line, drove home, managed homework and screen time, made the final batch of applesauce for the year, baked the cookie dough from earlier, and talked to my sister on the phone until my husband got home.
I’d been stalling on at least 3 of those things, totally overwhelmed at the thought of starting them, but when I just did what I could get done, I got a lot of stuff done.
Starting Small
Yesterday was still unusual for me. I’m not planning how to use time well. Yet. But I’m really close to the line. I’m ready to engage my life again. To own why I do or don’t do things. I’m ready to accept that I’m afraid of lots of things … and do them anyway.
Maybe you get where I’m at. Maybe you’ve been there before … or are there right with me. I’ll be glad for the company, actually.
Let me encourage you to engage your life, especially your time. Today. Let’s do this together.
Using time is a big deal. We don’t have as much as we think we do. But we actually have all we need for the things that will make our lives worthwhile.
