I put a lot of pressure on my every day life. I want it to go well (read: perfectly). At the end of the day, I look back and bemoan all the things that didn’t go well or that I didn’t get right.
I’m slowly learning that every day needs its own measure of grace. And that is a good thing.
One Day at a Time
For the first month of my twins’ lives, I had so much help. But eventually, everybody had to go home. Eric had to go back to work. And I was on my own: just two-on-me.
I was terrified that first day. Two newborns are a lot of work, and for the first time, there wouldn’t be another set of hands to hold or help. I had no idea how I was going to make it until Eric got home. But I kissed him good-bye, turned back to my empty kitchen, and took a deep breath.
“I don’t have to do all the things,” I reminded myself. “I just have to do today. And I don’t have to do it all at once. Just do the next thing, Shannah, and we’ll be fine.”
And we were. I made mistakes that day. And every day. But we survived those days. And when Meg arrived, I survived three-on-me. Then Tim joined the clan. Still we’ve survived.
I learned new things. I adapted. Occasionally, I even got an entire load of laundry done in a single day. Even when I didn’t, we all survived.
Every day brought its own challenges, but even now, I do all right when I remember to take it one every day at a time.
I’m Still Learning
This summer, the twins went to camp for the first time. They were nervous. And excited. And nervous. We did our best to prepare and encourage them. Then we dropped them off and headed home.
But as I laid in the dark that night, reviewing the day’s events, I recognized the big mistake I made. It was huge, in fact. Two girls in Erin’s cabin knew her, but didn’t know each other. They were both wanting Erin to bunk near them. And Erin doesn’t make decisions easily. So there was a lot of tension until we figured it all out.
But that night, as I thought back, I realized I had not done well for Erin. As she faced her very worst scenario: having to choose between people, I didn’t guide her. I backed away. And in hindsight, it was clear how unhelpful that must have been for her.
I was all ready to beat myself up for such an epic mom fail. That’s what we do, after all, isn’t it? I mean, I should’ve known. I should’ve gotten that one right. And what if she had a horrible first-time camp experience because of all that tension?
But with that thought, another truth struck me. Yes, it was Erin’s first time at camp. But it was also the first time I’d dropped my kids off at camp. I’ve been to camp, many times. But the parent side of things … it was as new to me as going to camp was for the twins.
I did not, in fact, help Erin as she really needed help. But she survived. The solution devised by one of the other moms was perfect and required no choosing at all. And next time, I’ll know. Next time, it won’t be the first time, so I’ll have some experience to draw from.
Every Day is a New Day
The ultimate truth is this: Every day is a first time.
Every single day is new. I’ve never done it before. Neither have you. There will be parts of the day that I have some experience with. I’ve spent years learning my kids and weeks working out a decent summer schedule. So I know enough to have a vague sense of what our day could be.
But even that familiarity can work against me. If I know that much, shouldn’t I do better with all the rest of it? Nope.
The thousands of seconds that make up today have never happened before. Some of the events may be similar to days before, but they’ve never happened in exactly this order, exactly this combination. Today is brand new.
What a lovely, grace-filled thought. I don’t have to beat myself up for today’s mistakes. It was the first time I’ve ever done today. So I can let myself off the hook a bit. I can accept more easily that mistakes are part of doing something new. And today is new.
Today is a first-time thing. Tomorrow will be too.
Let’s give ourselves the grace to hold our day loosely, allowing for mistakes. Let’s offer that same grace to others who are also feeling their way through today for the first time. And let’s trust that the God who made today can handle everything that we can’t. Which, to be honest, is every day.
