For better or worse, social media is here to stay. I know we think it’s necessary for engaging and platform building and mass communication. We try to optimize when we share, how often we share, what we share to maximize engagement. But why? Does sharing more mean we matter more?
My Questions
Here are some of the questions I’ve had in recent days about social media:
- Is online connection real connection?
- Does “engagement” mean anything more than that I’ve made you feel seen for a moment or two? Is that enough?
- Do I really have to be on ALL the platforms in order to share my words?
- If I don’t post a picture about what I did with my kids today, does it count?
- If I couldn’t share this picture or ask that question online, if I only share or ask those I know in real life or talked to in person … so what?
Define “Matter”
I’m a writer, and I want to contribute to my family through my writing. People tell me that my words matter to them, that they love to read what I post. I like that. I want their lives to be deepened, enriched by my words.
But I also want to make money with my writing. And, according to most things, it’s not going to happen in our world without social media.
So engage, they say. Participate in groups. Post questions. Answer every comment. Provide freebies of real value so people know they can trust you.
And I get it. I do. Platform-building and online marketing is a necessary part of the process.
But does getting good engagement mean I matter? If I post something on your site, does that mean you matter?
Is our value simply the sum total of our likes, comments, shares and digital connections? I sincerely hope not.
A Simple Thought
I’m becoming more and more convinced that most of what we put online shouldn’t be shared online.
I’ve heard the arguments. We post them so our far-away in-laws can see our kids. And when people see our “unposed” pics, they feel like they know us.
Many times, we feel like we need to make a stand about what we believe. If I’m pro-whatever, and I don’t post about it on Facebook or IG, then do I really believe it? If people are online, and the conversations are there, then shouldn’t I be involved there?
Maybe. But more often, probably not.
If we want to change the world, about anything, it can’t be done en masse. It can only be done one person at a time. In conversation. Sometimes hard conversation.
But none of those conversations happen well online where we’re divorced from body language, eye contact, and the kindness that one-on-one interaction requires of us. Yet we spend most of our time and energy piling up posts on social media, and we avoid the real-time, real-life interactions that may actually change a heart.
True friendships are not made in the comments of a post in a FB group. The kind of conversation that might win someone to your political or moral or religious side cannot be done in a global format.
Too often, I’m afraid that posting online can actually make our words matter less, not more.
Sharing Isn’t Enough
The real question isn’t what we’re sharing. Or what time. The real question is “Who are we sharing?”
Who shows up in you Facebook posts? Is it you or some version of you? Your actual children or filtered-photo versions of them?
Because we can share as much or as little of the truth as we want. And often, it’s very little. To avoid as many of the trolls and haters as we can, we curate and condition our posts. Our photos are chosen based on what fits our brand. Which means, ultimately, that our presence isn’t actually real.
And I get it. I do. We share to create engagement. To feel connected. To feel seen and to have lovely stranger/friends cheer us on.
But real community can’t be developed without looking someone in the eye. Without sitting beside them or saying hard things to their face.
We feel so brave for sharing. And sometimes we are. But more often, we need to consider whether it really takes courage to speak to an empty room.
Sharing Less to Matter More
Listen, we don’t need to share more online. We don’t. What we need, most of all, is to do more that matters. More that matters for our neighborhoods, cities, and schools. More that matters for people and for eternity.
And sharing more doesn’t increase what matters. Online, it’s much more likely to dilute it.
So I’m actually doing less online these days. I don’t want to join Tik Tok or learn to promote a post using Pinterest. I may need to someday, but today is not that day.
And perhaps my issues can be alleviated by good techniques of posting and marketing and such.
But I’m just not convinced that we need to do more online. More and more, I think we need to do less online and more in the real world. No curation. No filters.
Instead, we need to connect with real people. Meet real needs where we really live. And learn (or re-learn) how to live, grown, and facilitate change in real community.
Because that’s when our lives really start to matter.
