Updates

So here’s a post of various updates just so you all don’t miss a thing that’s going on in my life. Uh…or something.

Babies (sleep): Sleep is hit-or-miss these days. Last night, Alex cried once, but went back to sleep on his own. But the two previous nights, I was up 2-3 times. This too shall pass, though, right?

Babies (other)
Erin is getting really good at understanding us. This morning, I asked her to find Alex’s pants (which she had carried to him earlier and left in another part of the room), and she went and got them and brought them back to me. Too cute! She loves to have her belly tickled. And she also loves to give people things. She’ll pick up both cups and bring one to Alex, dropping it in front of him (and usually drinking out of it before she does ). And she’s started lying flat on the floor when I’m changing Alex’s diaper, even if I’ve already changed her. Very funny!

Alex is my bruiser. Seriously, he just launches his body at things/people full-force. He sits on Erin. Though sometimes he’s really sweet with her. Once when she was lying on the floor for some reason, he went over and laid his head on her chest like he does when he “loves” his stuffed animals. Very cute! He’s learned how to go down stairs by himself. And he thinks it’s funny to “run away” when I want to change his diaper. He finds a corner and sits in it…because, you know, I’ll never get him there. But he also has the best laugh in the world.

Chore List: So I’ve now had the chore list up for about a month (a little more), and it does work. I’ve discovered a few realities about it, such as the fact that I still avoid cleaning bathrooms until the end of the week that’s supposed to be done (or early the next week). And I forget to actually check things off the list, even when I do them. But as the list is pretty well cemented in my head now, I don’t really feel bad about that. I know what needs to be done. And my house has, for the most part, been cleaner this month than it’s been in a long time. I’ve vacuumed and dusted multiples times and yes, cleaned the bathrooms TWICE! In one month! So mostly, I consider the chore list experiment a success.

The Wall:
A few weeks back, I mentioned that I was struggling with a lot of heavy stuff. But I didn’t have the words to elaborate on it. Well, things are better now, and I wanted to share it with you because I know some of you prayed for me. And I totally appreciate that.

See, about the turn of the year, I was in a pretty dark place. Just feeling lost and stymied. I had hit a wall, but I couldn’t figure out what the wall was, so I couldn’t get past it. I began to pray about it. I talked to people. I read some things that “appeared” out of nowhere. And slowly, it began to take shape.
Here I was, facing the beginning of “real” parenting. You know, where taking care of your kids becomes about more than feeding and diapering them. Suddenly, I was trying to figure out how to teach them things. The basics (colors, shapes, words, etc), for sure. But bigger things. Like Jesus loves them. And why we don’t hit people. And where the boundaries are for them. And I didn’t know what to do. Or how to do it.
I was really discouraged. And struggling. And lonely. And easily angered. It was not pretty.
But then I began to dig through the crap to find out what was really going on. And it occurred to me that I was looking at myself and not liking what I was seeing. See, if my kids are going to “catch” the relationship I actually have with God, instead of the one I tell them to have, I was in big trouble. After a year of hit-or-miss bible reading and prayer, and after 30 years of getting tons of info about God but letting very little of it get into my heart, the thought of passing on THAT relationship with God really scared me. I didn’t want the relationship with God I suddenly realized I had, so I certainly didn’t want my kids to know Jesus that way.
Anyway, when those ideas started to materialize for me, I began to see the wall as God’s way of stopping me in my tracks. Of forcing me to take inventory and really focus on what I wanted for myself, and thus, for my kids. And I’ve started pursuing God again. I’ve read some really helpful books (along with the Bible, of course). The current one is called The Praying Life (Miller), which I HIGHLY recommend. And I am slowly rekindling a relationship with Jesus that is about knowing him, instead of knowing about him.
It’s not really easy. And as that connection with the Spirit disappeared a little a time, it also comes back a little at a time. But it’s better. And it helped to be reminded, too, that my responsibility is not to be a successful parent (whose kids have some perfect Christian experience or untroubled life), but to be a faithful one. The outcome is not my responsibility, but being faithful on a daily basis is. And that is where I’m trying to focus now.

So thanks to all who prayed. And thanks for reading my big, long explanation. I hope you all have a marvelous weekend!

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