I wish the world was black and white. I really love absolutes. They make things so much simpler, you know?
But over my (not quite) 40 years, I’ve repeatedly banged up against the reality that life is, in fact, not black and white. Problems are complex and require complicated, multi-faceted solutions. People are complex and need to be seen and respected as whole persons, more than merely one idea or one diagnosis or one caricature. Ideas that seem simple turn out to be deeply layered with connections to a thousand other ideas, all of which need to be acknowledged. Very, very little is actually black and white.
As much as we want to reduce our family, today’s events, or deep theological ideas down to “what I want them to mean or be,” we can’t. The world is bigger than we understand. People have to be allowed to be whole, even when we don’t understand them or don’t agree with them. Ideas cannot be boiled down to one side (or the other) and call it good.
Someone argued a week ago that any musician who played for the inauguration was complicit in EVERY action, idea or effect that Mr. Trump has had or done or ever would have or do. And it’s simply not true. I am not complicit in the behavior and beliefs of every single person I ever choose to be seen with in public or work for in a job or choose not to openly disagree with. Neither are you.
I may have to stop hanging out with someone or quit a certain job because of someone else’s stance. I may have to separate myself sometimes. But we should also be able to be be seen with someone without being accused of automatically agreeing with them on every single point. It is possible to sit in a church and not agree with every single point of doctrine as that denomination or the person in the pew next to me. Even worse, the word complicit indicates a deceptive, conniving duplicity that we must be VERY careful about applying to others, especially an “other” who disagrees with you.
Or then there was the article I read about how the liberals are all running crazy, trying to keep up with Mr. Trump’s pace. Which I followed with an article about how the right was on the defensive and all the protests were working. Exactly the same events, two completely different narratives. No blending, no trying to see the other side. Everything filtered into a single “This fits the way I want to see it” narrative.
Then there’s the #deleteuber tag that started flying after the Uber drivers did not join the taxi drivers’ hour-long strike at JFK over President Trump’s refugee order. The outrage was everywhere. People were deleting Uber, declaring they would only ever use Lyft. And on and on. And then this morning, I read that supporting Lyft might mean you are actually supporting Trump (indirectly) because one of the financial supporters of Lyft is also a Trump supporter. The black and white protest turned out to have, potentially, the opposite effect that was intended.
And that’s just it. People, ideas, decisions are connected in such deep, and often unseen ways, that we cannot trace every result, no matter how much we want to. And while we should all be careful to examine the ideas and people and solutions that we choose to be party to, there are indirect consequences to every word and idea and decision. And black-and-white demands those be controlled, too.
The Black-And-Whiters on both sides demand the world match their perspective of it. Their way is right. Any other way is snubbed. Their logic makes perfect sense; others’ words are twisted. Their values matter; anyone else’s values are laughable.
In this perspective, I am responsible to make everyone happy. And if I don’t make someone happy, they might get me fired, or make sure I never work again, or #delete me. If someone disagrees with me, or I don’t toe some line on every.single.point, then I am, by a Black-And-White mentality, barely human and certainly not a Christian.
But the world is NOT black and white. It hasn’t been for a very long time. And I have spent my life trying to UN-learn the perfectionistic, control-freak tendencies that tell me that if I don’t control every single thing I do, every outcome of every thing I do, and every person’s reaction to every thing I do, then I am a failure. I am not. Neither are you.
Even worse, if we can’t get a grip, we are going to crack. People are having near-conniption fits on Facebook. We are living in a land where the “slippery slope” is the regular battle cry. (i.e., “OMG! If ______ happens today, we are GOING to have (fill-in-the-blank) before the end of the week!!!) This isn’t healthy or productive.
We have to back it down. We need rational, coherent, effective dialogue. Because Black and White is not how the world works the vast majority of the time, and that’s okay. But the rhetoric, the battle cries, the personal attacks, the social media blackmail. Those are NOT okay. Ever.
We need to calm down and talk to each other. Speak kindly to everyone, no matter where they stand on an issue. Heavens, maybe we’ll find we agree with each other more than we think we do. And even when we must stand apart, defending something we value, we can remember that the world is not black and white. And it doesn’t have to be.
In fact, by putting all the ideas on the table and letting our differences HELP us, we can actually come out of this crazy time with greater unity, better solutions, and more people engaged and sitting at the table. Instead of black-and-white, we rediscover the proverbial melting pot. And we might actually find it a really great place to be.
