February

So today is the last day of February, and I’m very glad about that. It’s been a hard month.

There have been good things that happened, of course. The weather has been unusually balmy, so we’ve played outside a lot. I turned 35. We bought some property on which we plan to build a really fun house in the nearer-than-you’d-think future. The days are getting longer all the time. My kids are generally fun and funny and we’ve had some fun days with friends.

So it’s not been one long horrible month of days or anything.

But honestly, it has been kind of discouraging despite all that stuff. My birthday was hijacked by a stomach bug. My kids have been in a very needy stage, and the constant barrage of noise and requests and whining has worn me down. There have been some less than feel-good family dynamics to work through. There are other realities that aren’t appropriate to mention on a public blog. But mostly, I’ve just struggled to find my way through the daily minefield of schedules, play times, chores and activities. I’m tired. Emotionally drained. Empty. 

I know I’m not walking with the Spirit well. After all, if I were, there’d be love, joy, peace (among other things). And I’ve had none of those recently. Some of that is by choice, I know. I want to sulk and be sad and selfishly wallow in my own freakish misery (10 point if you can name that movie). But some of it is just a season where I’m having to trust that God is there and providing and that all his promises are true…even when I don’t FEEL like any of that is true. To trust what I know, not what I feel. And that, of course, is always hard.

So…I’m not sorry to see the end of February. I’m hoping for a breakthrough in the near future. And maybe I won’t even wait for March to look for it. After all, “today is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.” 

And that’s a much better truth to focus on than how I feel anyway. 

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