Much as we hate to admit it, we all tend to come to a conclusion and hold on to it for dear life, like a life preserver. In our human arrogance, we hold our ideas tightly, sometimes because we’re convinced they’re right, but also, at times, because we’re afraid to find out if they’re wrong. We defend “our side” vehemently, attack the other side passionately, and generally find ourselves incapable of giving other ideas a fair hearing.
But that isn’t the way to debate well. And frankly, it’s not very Christ-like either.
So instead, we have to start seriously working towards an attitude of humble certainty. Yes, we should know what we think. By all means, be able to defend yourself, but always, always, always do the actual defense with an attitude that doesn’t hold “being right” as more important than the heart and soul of the other human beings who just happen to see things differently than you do.
And what might this look like? You know, in real life?
Take politics. An attitude of humble certainty would allow politicians and their supporters to admit that an opponent might actually have a good point on occasion. It would mean that, no matter where we stand on an issue (the economy, abortion, foreign policy), we could actually hear someone’s view from the other side without immediately passing judgement.
And in the Mommy Wars. Can you imagine an attitude that would allow us to accept another family’s way of doing things without immediately feeling judged? Imagine being able to know what you are going to do with your family and why, and then having the freedom to listen to another view without taking offense because it’s different than your way. That would be humble certainty.
Then there’s religion. What if you could be open to hearing another person’s view on religion – even your religion – without jumping down his throat or feeling threatened? An attitude of humble certainty allows us to stand firm in your convictions without shutting down when someone explains their experiences, their beliefs, their doctrines. It might even let you be curious about other beliefs systems without resulting in serious doubt and fear that your side will somehow be found wanting.
Really, an attitude of humble certainty is a very freeing way of interacting with the world of ideas and with other people. You are sure enough of your view to join the discussion, but can participate with an openness that allows for true discussion to actually take place.
And what will this require?
First, developing humble certainty means constantly monitoring your own ideas. We fall so easily into the trap of self-deception. We think we’re digging deeply, really hashing through the issues at hand, when in reality, we’re not. Instead, what we call “conviction” really just means “untested.”
Yes, you can read a lot. Google a lot. But that is not enough to prove your ideas. To be humbly certain, we must, must, must do the hard work of testing our ideas, checking our facts and sources, and breaking down our own theories so we can evaluate each part before rebuilding the whole. We have to guard against letting our assumptions color our perceptions of people and evidence. We need to humbly acknowledge that, more often than not, we start with a conclusion and find things to back our view up, instead of really searching for Truth and building our arguments and conclusions and lives around that.
So developing humble certainty must always begin with a long, hard look at yourself. But, secondly, humble certainty requires adjusting our attitude toward “the other side.”
It means knowing your opponents’ side as well as you know your own. Maybe even better. Humble certainty means showing respect to the other side – giving them credit that they might have put real thought into their views. You respect them enough to wrestle through their claims, laying them down beside your ideas and comparing them to see not just where they are different, but where they might be the same. Or where they might have a good idea. Or where they might have a point you’ve never considered. It means giving your opponent a truly fair hearing.
In other words, being humbly certain means you start with your opponent’s arguments – listen to what he is really saying, give him credit for what he’s got right, and then offer contrary evidence, opposing ideas, or alternatives where his answers are (in your opinion) skewed.
But even more than knowing an opponent’s main points and evidence, it means knowing why she holds those views. It means separating the person arguing from the argument itself so that we can look past the ideas we adamantly disagree with to see and hear a real person whose life and pain and history is wadded up in those ideas. It means admitting that not everyone in the NRA is a redneck hunter with a gun rack on his gigantic truck. And that most people who defend abortion are not immoral, heartless liberals who have no regard for human life. They are not stereotypes. They are human beings. And as such, they deserve to be treated with respect.
This reality came to me, years ago, when a friend and I were discussing abortion. A black man, he explained to me that, for many in the white, middle class community, abortion is seen as a problem in itself. Therefore the solution is to get rid of the problem, generally by making it illegal. But in the black community, many see abortion as a symptom of a greater problem: poverty. SO the solution is not to outlaw abortion, but to end poverty…which would then eliminate the need for the abortions in the first place.
I had never even considered such a possible explanation for why someone who believed in the Bible as seriously as I do would come to a completely different conclusion about, what seemed to me, an obvious moral matter. His explanation didn’t change my view, but it did open my eyes to the personhood of those who, until that moment, had just been “the other side.”
But what all of it really boils down to is…grace. An attitude of humble certainty always extends grace to the other side. It is not as concerned with winning the argument as with arguing well. Someone who is humbly certain knows that the debate itself is unlikely to change an opponent’s mind. Instead she focuses entirely on arguing so well and in such a way that those who hear her remain open to hearing what she has to say.
Humble certainty never rubs a victory in the opponent’s face. Win or lose, the goal is grace. A grace that allows others to think differently without making them automatically “wrong.” A grace that revels in open dialogue, without demanding that everyone agree in the end.
It is the realization is that we do not have to make sure that everyone agrees with us all the time. It’s the moment when we realize it’s okay for others to see things differently, that God is still God even if his followers think differently about abortion or animal rights or poverty or whatever. It creates breathing room for those arguing, and a freedom to disagree without breaking company.
Practically speaking, being humbly certain is not an easy place to live. It accepts the opposing view as valuable (though not necessarily valid), and it places greater emphasis on the person speaking than on the end result of the debate. But in that tension between finding truth, doing what is right, and honoring people as God does, we will find a place of freedom that is worth all the hard work it takes to get there.
