Timmy was just watching a little Christmas video (Why Do We Call It Christmas? from the folks at What’s in the Bible?). I wasn’t really paying much attention, so I have no idea what exactly the characters said. But suddenly he popped up and said, “Sometimes, you don’t get what you want for Christmas, right, Mom?”
You better believe it, Tim.
Sometimes, Christmas is hard because of disappointment and fear. But to be quite honest, the hardest Christmases have been the ones I didn’t get what I wanted. Like the year my sister got this hand-crank food processor thing that my mom always used, and I didn’t get one. Or how my daughter opened up a gift at the Girl Scout gift exchange this year and threw a fit (we talked a lot about that one later).
It’s not that we mean to lose our cool or make someone feel bad about the gift we were given. It’s not like that at all. But it’s hard to reconcile how much we want certain things when we suddenly realize we can’t have them.
Maybe the thing you want isn’t even a gift. Maybe it’s a someone. Or a different schedule. Or more family. Or less. Maybe it’s just a sense of control over your holiday (or life in general, thankyouverymuch) that just never seems to happen.
It’s hard.
And I guess the first step in dealing with the whole rotten thing is to just admit that it is, in fact, hard. It’s hard and uncomfortable and not at all what you want this year. Or any year.
I think it’s okay to say that out loud. Probably only to some people or in certain contexts. But find that person or context and speak the truth to them. “This sucks. I didn’t get what I want. Bah humbug.” I’ve said before that a controlled crash-n-burn is sometimes a very beneficial thing. So find your safe place or safe person and vent a bit. Whine some. Throw a tiny temper tantrum.
And then take a deep breath.
Because here’s where it’s gonna hurt a bit.
The Christmas story is filled with people who didn’t get what they wanted. We’ve covered some of the hard, unwanted stuff that Mary, Joseph, Zechariah & Elizabeth, and the shepherds dealt with. But even beyond those familiar ones … think about the wise men (who traveled for probably months and didn’t know how to find their ultimate goal until they arrived). Think about Herod, who didn’t want anyone becoming his rival for a throne. Think about the flight to Egypt in the middle of the night after the magi left.
From some perspectives, not a single person in the entire story got what they wanted: barrenness, an unwed mother, ruined reputations, social outcasts, a selfish king.
But then we look again. Because in the middle of all of that, a baby was born. And we got everything we ever wanted in Him. He took on a whole bunch of what he didn’t want (remember his prayers in Gethsemane) so that we could be free to have everything He offers us.
When we’re faced with a Christmas where we don’t get what we want, we have a choice. Lose our cool or look to Him. That’s it.
One way lets us throw our tantrums and punish everyone else for our unhappiness. The other way pushes us to “deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow” (Mark 8:34). That’s not a normal Christmas passage, for sure. But I think it’s applicable anyway. The entire story of Christmas is about Jesus giving up everything to come for us. To show up in our mess, to own our humanity, and to redeem it forever. He is our example and our motivation.
So the second step to dealing with a Christmas where we don’t get what we want is to give of ourselves. Invite the family over and have a good attitude. Smile and say thank you for the worst gift ever. Have an extra measure of patience for the awkward event you always dread. Deny yourself and follow Him. And you just might be witness to another Christmas miracle, where God drops into your holiday season and redeems it as well.
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