I have to admit, this morning’s email caught me. I almost clicked. And I took entirely too long to recognize the marketing hook. Whether in email or ads, the truth is, marketing uses our loneliness against us.
It’s easy to miss. It pushes all the right buttons. But often, it leaves us even more lonely than we were before.
The Email Campaign
I’ve been focusing on the email thing for a while now.
As a blogger, trying to get my name out there as a speaker and writer, the key (they tell you) is the email list. Marketing is a must, and you need to find the people willing to share with you their email address because your most successful marketing will be done to that list.
So I’ve got a pop-up on my blog. I don’t have many addresses. But I’m working on it. And the truth is, email is a good way to connect with people. When I see a real email from a real person in my email, it makes me happy. (And I really would love to connect with you by email, so please share your email address with me here. I won’t sell it or spam you or anything.)
Unfortunately, though, for this reason, our email address has become something of a commodity. Everyone wants it. You have to give it before you can purchase or download anything. And I don’t mind that, really. Being on email lists doesn’t bother me most of the time.
But this morning, the email started out “You’ve been Selected.” And it struck me just how much I wanted it to be true. And just how well their marketing uses our loneliness to draw us in.
The Hidden Heart of Loneliness
Most of us think of loneliness in terms of being alone. But that’s not really the issue.
The heart of loneliness is feeling like you don’t belong. It’s not sitting alone at the coffee shop. We can do that without any hint of loneliness. But we can also be in a room full of people, out to dinner, or in a pew on a Sunday morning and still feel the sinking sensation of loneliness.
The issue is not the number of people around us. It’s whether or not we feel connected to those people. Whether we feel welcome there, accepted, wanted, or included.
And the more arenas of life where you feel like you don’t belong, the worse your loneliness is. If it’s only at work, we can handle it. Feeling like you don’t belong at church is hard, but if that’s the only place you feel that way, it’s okay. But when you feel that way at home, at PTO, at work, at church, and next to the other moms at the birthday party, then the loneliness can be all-consuming.
Marketing Uses Our Loneliness
The problem with this morning’s email was not that they want me to click through to try this new thing they’re offering on their website. That’s marketing. That’s normal. I may click on similar emails every day.
So why did this one bother me?
It was the promise. The hint. I was “selected.” I was chosen. They wanted me. You guys, they wanted me.
The ache of loneliness always hinges on wanting to be wanted, wanting to belong. And we get a thousand messages, every day, about not being good enough. Not being invited. Not being wanted.
And I realized that the email had hit me in exactly that bullseye. I wanted to click it because I wanted to be included. I wanted to be special.
It took me a second to kick my brain back into gear, and as soon as I started to ask questions, the truth of the marketing appeared.
- They sent that email to thousands of women. It doesn’t mean I don’t belong, but the invitation wasn’t really about me.
- Clicking into some new offering on this website doesn’t ease my loneliness in any way. It cannot fix the problem of connection.
- The wording was so simple and instantly powerful. I would have skipped over a short paragraph. But three words were enough to (almost) sell me their product, to motivate me to click.
Real Motivation
Marketing is about motivating people. And it’s not a bad thing. We just have to be aware of it.
I could have clicked. I may still. But I fully intend to do it knowing that showing up on their website won’t fix my loneliness. Buying their product won’t make up for unanswered email or unsent invitations from people I know and love in real life.
Buy whatever. Click the button. Share your email address with whomever you want (including me, pretty please).
But let’s be honest about the ways marketing uses our loneliness against us. And let’s be careful to offer to those around us what will actually heal their lonely hearts. Just like today’s email, a few simple words can make all the difference.
You belong here. You belong with us. No matter what, you belong. Tell someone today.
