Endurance

I think we are nearing the crest of the potty training mountain.  It’s definitely a relief.  

The twins are both much more comfortable with the whole thing.  It’s becoming almost normal for them.  We still do diapers at naps and bedtime, but it’s old hat to sit on the potty and go.  I’m grateful for (and super-proud of) the progress they’ve made since we started.  But despite all the promises that “It does get better” that people gave me, potty training has been one of the hardest endeavors I’ve ever had to manage.  

The worst moment was in July. 

A few weeks in and I was wearing out.  Potty training requires constant attention.  After getting used to their growing independence, I was suddenly back to functioning as I had when they were infants.  It was 2-on-1 again.  It was never-ending.  I had to be constantly aware of everything they did, every place they went, to whisk them to the potty to avoid an accident.  And I was tired.

Then, we went to the farm.  And it was awful.  My son acted like he’d never seen a potty, much less been on one, and I was beyond frustrated.  On the way back to my in-laws after church (where 2 accidents had happened in less than 30 minutes), I was venting my frustration to Eric.  

“I’m not angry about it,” I told him. “Just frustrated.”

“Well, it looks like you’re angry,” he replied.  

“That’s because I have to deal with this ALL.THE.TIME.” I shot back, nearly in tears.  He didn’t say much.

Thankfully the twins take long naps at the farm.  After dinner, I had time to think.  And I spent the afternoon feeling like a failure.  I suddenly realized that to 2-year-olds, frustration and anger look exactly alike.  Which would explain why Erin had suddenly been apologizing for everything.  They thought I was mad at them.  It broke my heart.  

How were we ever going to survive PT?

Obviously, I needed a different approach.  I needed a new perspective, and I needed it fast.  So I made sure I got my walk in the mornings, half an hour of time outside with no one to bother me.  I decided to go back to sticker charts and rewards because that had seemed to work at first.  And I started to pray about potty training.

I know, you’d think I would have done that one before.  Honestly, it just never occurred to me that God would care about PT.  But I cared.  And the Bible said, “Cast your cares on Him for He cares for you.”  So I did just that. 

And amazingly…perspective was exactly what I got.  Whether other people’s kids really potty-trained in 3 days or not, it was clear that mine were going to take longer.  A lot longer.  Months.  Maybe even most of a year before they were really trustworthy all the time, as a friend had learned with her kids.  

And that was the real problem.  It wasn’t the “failures” or the constant piles of poopy underpants to clean.  It wasn’t the potty training, at all.  It was me.  I’m a goal oriented person.  I am.  Other people take “joy in the journey,” but I get mine from accomplishing something.  And I’m great on short sprints.  I can handle activities where finishing is mostly dependent on me getting something done.

But PT isn’t like that.  It’s totally dependent on other people.  It’s a long-term process.  Reaching the “goal” is less an actual event than a gradual realization that they’ve been accident-free for ages and can tell you, dependably, when they need to go.  It does get better, just like everyone promised, but there’s a lot of back-and-forth, a lot of 2-step-forward-1-step-back kind of days before it does.  

What I needed was endurance.  So that’s what I prayed for.  Every day.  “Jesus, I don’t have the endurance for the marathon that is potty training.  I don’t have the patience to go the one or two steps that we will go today.  I want to be done.  But they are not ready.  They are trying.  They are doing great.  But I cannot rush them or we’ll regress.  So I need endurance.  And that I can only get from You.  Because that’s how you treat me.  Thank you for your never-ending patience with my constant failures.  Help me live that out to my children.  Amen.”

So…the potty training continues, and we are making it.  They’re doing really, really well, overall.  We still have our accidents, of course.  But Erin will tell me she has to go.  In fact, sometimes she goes on her own and tells me afterwards.  Alex is mostly willing, though he’s still a long way from telling me when he has to go.  But if I make sure he sits regularly, we can avoid most accidents.  So it’s okay.

And for now, we are surviving.  I am learning to have endurance.  I’m still working on the “joy” part of the journey, but thankfully, God’s been pretty patient with me.  And just like my twins and PT, we’ll eventually get there, God and me.  Just like He promised.  

Because His promises never fail.

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